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Evolutionary Acceleration Research Institute Ready to Start “Squirrel Smasher”

This got me giggling good

The GAS is a 25 mile tube buried ten feet below the surface, and accelerates the animals at rates up to 6,000 meters per second using a series of pulleys, levers and fusion reactors.

Malwin dismissed critics who claimed that smashing animals together at high speeds was cruel to the animals. He said, “The animals won’t be feeling anything. The collision will vaporize the squirrels in a fraction of a second. Their brains won’t be able to transmit pain at those speeds, so it’ll be painless for them.”

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