The Devil’s Food Dictionary

Also called bean curd, tofu is a custardlike
substance of variable firmness that is made
from curdled soy milk. This Chinese invention,
dating back to time immemorial give or take a
couple of centuries, is much venerated and
expertly utilized in Chinese and Japanese cuisines,
among others. However, many Westerners are
unaware of this impressive pedigree; otherwise,
they would not put it into casseroles containing
tortilla chips and marinara sauce.
Bean curd is extremely perishable, with a highly
delicate molecular structure that begins to
deteriorate the moment it is out of earshot of
East Asian languages. Proof of this is found in
the fact that much American-made tofu is nearly
tasteless, much like the Americans who eat
it because they believe it will make them
better people.
Nutritionally speaking, tofu is a nearly ideal
food, brimming with protein, low in calories, and
cholesterol-free. Furthermore, it is extremely
versatile, and while the Chinese and Japanese
have developed its use to an exquisitely
sophisticated level, Americans should feel free
to experiment with it in any way they choose
without referring to longstanding Asian traditions,
as long as they keep in mind that the dishes
they create will taste revolting.

From The Devil’s Food Dictionary, probably my favorite food-related site on the internet (aside from this one, of course [oh, and I’m not counting sites whisky-related because of, well, booze]). The original The Devil’s Dictionary was written around the turn of the last century by Ambrose Bierce who wrote stories that inspired H.P. Lovecraft before going crazy and disappearing in Mexico. Bierce’s dictionary can be viewed online too.

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