We are going to have this written up on flyers so we can just hand them out when people ask us why we are not going to reproduce
1) They are Noisy
I am not saying that all of them are, I wasn’t, but the fact is that most of them will be constantly mouthing off about something. They have questions coming out the ass every day, day after day. No single thing is too small to be worthy of comment, no problem too insignificant to whine about, and then there’s the nagging. They nag. You give in once and after that they never let up.
2) Social Responsibility
You are not supposed to leave them alone for extended periods of time according to law, so you have a commitment to always providing people for them to be with, and sometimes to be with them yourself. You have to watch them in stores, keep them in sight wherever you are, and you absolutely cannot be mean to them in public for fear of winding up before a judge. How your child behaves will reflect directly upon you and your character. They say one curse word and people assume that you speak in Two Live Crew lyrics.
3) They Are an Economic Drain
Food, clothes, school-supplies, tuition, school-projects, toys, fast-food, prescriptions, not to mention having to pay for a large enough living space for two adults plus however many of them those two adults choose to have. If you rent, then there is always the potential of them destroying/something that you will have to pay for.
4) You Have to Teach them Things
You may or may not have figured this out: They are born knowing nothing. A blank slate. This means that you have years, possibly decades before they have anything insightful or interesting to say. But still, you will be a bad parent if you don’t listen to them. You are obligated to listen to all kinds of nonsensical irrelevant crap, all kinds of worthless interests and recaps of the Hannah Montana marathon they had on TV last weekend. You are obligated to tell them about life, sex, how to spend money, hygiene, calculus etc.
5) The TV Shows and Books you will have to Endure
A big part of knowing nothing is poor taste. Taste is a product of experience and therefore there will be a considerable length of time before they like things that make sense. You are obligated to read stories to them unless you want them whining about it when they grow up, you are also obligated to surrender at least one of the TVs in your house to the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon for several hours each day.
6) Their Friends
If your kids are normal they will at some point make friends, which means that you will not only have their presence to endure, but an assortment of other people’s failures as well. They will, perhaps, invite them home, at which point you may have to feed these other children, and endure their noise.
7) Constant Illness
Kids, especially when small, are walking petri-dishes. Nothing guarantees repeated stomach-flus, colds, and assorted random illnesses like being in the presence of a small child for hours at a time. Have a co-worker who is always sniffling or running to the bathroom? They either have a cocaine problem or they have a small child.
8)They Attract the Ill-Will of Strangers
Nothing in the world will get you more dirty looks than a poorly trained child. For some reason whole segments of the American population either have not yet had children, or will never have children, these people will not be sympathetic to your plight. Children to them are mere annoying strangers being inflicted upon them by you.
9)Once they are Born you are Pretty much Stuck with them
Under normal circumstances anyway. You don’t get to give them back, you don’t get to pass them on to somebody else short of going to prison or dying. If they are ugly or stupid, you will have to endure them for a long time to come.
10) They are Ungrateful
Kids in America grow up with a sense of being entitled to good parenting, as if it were something they earned in a previous life and have now come to collect. No parent, however is good enough, and they usually cannot find it in themselves to see how much worse it could be. They feel entitled to your time, the contents of your wallet and the remote control. And what do they give back? Maybe you will get to see your grandkids every now and then, and maybe, just maybe, they will pick a good nursing home for you when you are too old to take care for yourself.
Man this is turning out to be a good day. So looking at my stats program and I love to see how folks find me via google. This might be my favorite so far. I need to be result #1 though.
In my experience, a dog may go for several days before finally resorting to eating the owner’s body. A cat, on the other hand, will only wait a day or two. Just goes to show you which is more loyal. So, the next time you’re falling asleep on the couch with the football game on, take a look at your cat. He’s not watching you because he’s enamored of you; he’s checking to see if your chest is still moving.”
My obsession with this came from this Malcolm in the middle episode which we just happend to watch last night.
Puppies love to chew stuff, she did some damage when she was a puppy. My birks are hurtin. She has gotten better but seems to selectively chew parts of things that really suck. I am no fan of my hair. I love to wear a hair helmet and a certain style of Jager hat fits the bill for me (he he, bill). She chews out just the strap that adjusts the size. Good thing ebay seems to have them often.
Then instead of chewing up my shoes she just pulls out the insert and shreds them. I have had to get some replacements from the store. At least she does not do any more damage. My pinball machines are one of the few safe places to store stuff.
That would be 4th street. It used to have train tracks down the middle but it got tore out a few years back. There are still two other train tracks that surround my house. So when they have train tracks the road is rock on either side. Well 4th street is getting paved and the northern end of the Jamacia North trail will run along the side of it.
The trains do not bother me, but the dust from the limestone roads gets old. Plus the maintenance on them is insane. Around 4 times a year new rock has to be put down and the surface grated. Just a huge mess. I am gonna use the heck out of that trail when it is done. A straight line to wilderness.
The construction has been going on for a month or so. Big equipment beep beep, but it will all be worth it. They started by replacing all the sewer and water lines under the road which is pretty cool since we have had a few water main breaks recently. Looks like they are only doing 1/2 the road at a time. I bet it will be going on for quite some time.
the gravel right there will be where the Jamaica north will be. You can see where it will end as well, 3 streets down.
Girl roller skates under 40 cars
Man it is one of my most favorite plants, and I have a bunch, but calling it wandering jew is….. well uncomfortable. It is Tradescantia zebrina. To call it a weed is an understatement. All of this overtaking my yard came from two 4 inch plastic containers from Urban Trail gardens. About $5.
It grows like kudzu and treads lightly. It has roots that need not even be near the soil to dig in deep. Every node tries to get water. If you have it as a houseplant it will invade any dirt near in days. You only need a small leaf and a node and you can get it to grow right away. We just kept pinching off little sections and poking our finger between the wood chips and stuck it in there. Not a single slip died or wilted, just took off. It is unbelievably beautiful with the deep purple, shiny silver, and green. The stalks look like something from the Amazon.
They suck up sun like crazy. The east side gets the most sun and you can almost hear it grow. We are now to the point of trying to keep it contained and away from choking off our other plants.
I can hardly explain how cool this plant is to me. It was the second house plant I ever had. I was just amazed by how dense I could make it and its thrive to propagate. Having a huge area of my yard dedicated to it makes me smile every time I am in front of my house. Some day my entire yard will be Tradescantia zebrina. And I will get to yell at the damn neighbor kids “hey stay off my Tradescantia zebrina” while shaking my fist.